How to Stop Undermining Yourself While You Speak

Do you sometimes feel like your words weaken your message? Small habits like over-apologising, using hedging phrases, or nervous body language can quietly undermine your confidence and credibility. The good news? You can fix this with simple strategies.

Here’s how to stop undermining yourself when you speak:

• Avoid weak phrases: Replace "I think" or "maybe" with confident language like "I believe" or "I propose".
• Drop filler words: Use pauses instead of "um" or "kind of".
• Strengthen body language: Stand tall, maintain eye contact, and avoid fidgeting.
• Be direct: Say what you mean without over-qualifying or softening your points.
• Seek feedback: Record yourself or ask colleagues to spot habits you might not notice.

Common Speaking Mistakes

Words That Reduce Impact

Some words can quietly weaken your authority without you even realising it. According to Georgetown University linguist Deborah Tannen, certain verbal habits can make you seem less credible.

Here are some common culprits:

• Hedge words: Phrases like "I think", "I feel like", or "basically"
• Downgraders: Words such as "just", "sort of", or "kind of"
• Unnecessary qualifiers: Examples include "quite", "rather", or "maybe"
• Signals of self-doubt: Statements like "This might be wrong, but..."

Tannen notes:

"By paying attention to the words we use when speaking with others at the office, we can boost our credibility."

Body Language Mistakes

Your body language can be just as telling as your words. Non-verbal cues often reveal a lack of confidence and can instantly undermine your message. Here are some behaviours to watch out for:

• Micro-quirks: Fidgeting, scratching, or hand-wringing
• Defensive postures: Crossing your arms or slouching
• Nervous movements: Shifting your weight or avoiding eye contact

A notable example comes from British politics. During the 2016 Conservative Party Conference, Sarah Lloyd-Hughes observed stark differences in how body language influenced audience trust. While Ruth Davidson's confident posture inspired trust, Theresa May's body language created doubt.

UK Speaking Patterns

British communication often includes habits that can weaken the impact of your message. These patterns, rooted in cultural norms, include excessive modesty, over-politeness, and indirect phrasing. While these habits may feel natural, they can reduce your presence as a leader.

Sarah Lloyd-Hughes highlights this issue:

"When I listen out for my own moderators I'm shocked at how many clutter up my language. Whilst it's a common social habit, every additional moderator removes certainty and impact from my words and yours. Instead, consider the power of: 'I'll open this,' 'I have a good track record,' and 'I'd like your help with this.' Once the moderators are gone, we start talking like leaders."

The challenge for British professionals is balancing cultural politeness with a more assertive tone. By recognising these habits, you can refine your speaking style to project authority while respecting cultural expectations. Up next, we'll discuss how to spot these tendencies in your own speech.

Spot Your Speaking Habits

Track Your Communication

Pay attention to your speech patterns by focusing on a specific meeting or presentation. Take note of moments when your confidence dips - whether during transitions, while handling tough questions, or when delivering important announcements.

Toastmasters International highlights that regularly monitoring your speech can help identify words or phrases that may weaken your message.

To dig deeper, try recording yourself.

Listen to Yourself Speak

Recording yourself can reveal unnoticed habits. Public speaking expert Christina Helena explains:

"Being too wordy dilutes your message and presence. Instead of using weak filler words, silence is sometimes best; it allows you to pause and think, while letting the audience process what you're saying."

Toastmasters International's tools have helped 360,000 members identify speaking issues, leading to a 22% drop in filler word usage in just three months.

Here are some recording tips:

• Use your smartphone's voice recorder during team meetings.
• Record video presentations with your laptop's camera.
• Review recordings when it’s convenient.
• Focus on one area at a time, like tone, pace, or filler words.

Get Speaking Feedback

Feedback from colleagues can provide valuable insights into your speaking habits. Carol A Fleming recommends a creative approach:

"Practice your speech with a friend who will immediately drop a marble in a tin can every time he hears the filler. This method immediately highlights filler usage."

When seeking feedback, consider these areas:

Stop Undermining Your Words. Speak with Confidence!

Fix Problem Language

Once you've identified habits that weaken your communication, the next step is replacing them with language that clearly conveys authority. Spotting self-undermining phrases is just the beginning - fixing them is where the real change happens.

Strong vs Weak Words

The words you choose play a key role in how others perceive your authority. Research by Kris Liu and Jean E. Fox Tree shows that hedged statements can make your message feel less credible and less impactful.

Here’s how you can strengthen your language:

By using stronger words, you set a confident tone. But words aren’t everything - strategic pauses can amplify your presence even further.

Master the Silent Moment

Strategic pauses can make your speech more powerful by eliminating filler words and letting your message resonate. Anthony Laye explains:

"Pausing shows you're in control. Instead of rushing to fill the silence, you're commanding the room and letting your words carry weight."

Here’s how to use pauses effectively:

• Slightly lower your jaw as if you’re about to speak, keeping the audience engaged.
• Maintain strong eye contact during the pause to project confidence.
• Use pauses after key points to give your audience time to absorb the message.
• Replace filler words like "um" and "er" with a deliberate, confident pause.

Make Clear Statements

With stronger words and intentional pauses, the next step is crafting clear, direct statements. This removes any ambiguity and reinforces your authority.

Here’s how to turn vague statements into confident declarations:

• Remove hedges and use direct language: Change "I feel like we might need to..." to "We need to..."
• Use active voice: Replace "It was decided..." with "The team decided..."
• Speak with certainty: Instead of "Should be able to...", say "Will deliver..."
• Get to the point: Replace "Basically, what I'm trying to say..." with a clear, concise statement.

Sarah Lloyd-Hughes highlights that direct communication fosters trust and strengthens your authority. By eliminating language that undermines your message, you not only enhance your personal impact but also improve how your ideas and projects are perceived.

Build Better Speaking Skills

Improving your speaking skills takes practice and a focus on replacing unhelpful habits with more confident behaviours. Let’s dive into practical ways to communicate more effectively.

Practice Key Points

Good speaking starts with solid preparation. Instead of rushing through your ideas, spend time structuring and rehearsing your message.

Here’s how to practise effectively:

Stop when your message is clear. Combine these steps with confident body language to deliver your points effectively.

Use Strong Body Language

Your body language has a big impact on how your message is received. Amy Cuddy suggests that an upright, open posture during stressful moments can make you appear more authoritative.

To project confidence through your physical presence:

• Keep your shoulders relaxed, chest open, and chin level.
• Stand firmly with your feet grounded.
• Make deliberate, controlled movements instead of fidgeting.
• Use props sparingly to maintain an open posture.
• Avoid keeping your arms stiff by your sides - keep them relaxed and free.

"Movements should be neither erratic nor continuous. They should be clear and defined." - Amy Cuddy

Even if you make a mistake, these techniques can help you stay composed and confident.

Learn from Speaking Errors

Mistakes are part of the process and can be valuable learning moments. Sarah Lloyd-Hughes explains, "When we stop undermining ourselves and start claiming our confidence, we not only improve our personal impact but also the way we represent the projects, causes and ideas that matter to us."

Turn errors into growth opportunities by:

• Keeping your posture strong, even if you stumble.
• Avoiding unnecessary apologies for minor mistakes.
• Using feedback to spot patterns in your delivery.
• Practising challenging sections or phrases.
• Recording yourself to identify areas for improvement.

Focus on cutting out habits that weaken your authority, like rushing or over-apologising. When errors happen, stay composed and keep going. Each mistake is a chance to refine your style and strengthen your presence.

Conclusion

The strategies outlined above can help you regain control over your communication style. Developing a confident speaking presence takes practice and self-awareness to move away from habits that undermine your authority. As communication expert Sarah Lloyd‐Hughes puts it:

"When we stop undermining ourselves and start claiming our confidence, we not only improve our personal impact, but we also up the impact of the way we represent the projects, causes and ideas that matter to us."

The first step is to identify your habits. Pay attention to the words you use, observe your body language, and ask trusted colleagues for honest feedback. Clear and purposeful communication doesn’t mean being forceful - it’s about expressing yourself with intention and clarity.

Here are some practical tips for maintaining a confident speaking style:

• Use direct statements instead of hedging phrases
• Show confidence through your posture and gestures
• Avoid using words that dilute your message
• Speak openly about your accomplishments
• Adapt your tone to fit the context

"To drop the habit to undermine takes awareness, patience and a good deal of bravery." - Sarah Lloyd‐Hughes

Improving your communication is a process. Each time you catch yourself using undermining language or behaviours, you have a chance to grow. Over time, these small changes will become second nature, helping you communicate with more authority and impact.

In the UK, balancing directness with polite communication ensures your message is assertive while maintaining social courtesy.

FAQs

How can I recognise if I'm using language that undermines my confidence during presentations?

To recognise undermining language, start by paying attention to the words and phrases you use. Common examples include 'I think', 'I feel like', 'It might be', or overusing qualifiers like 'just' and 'sort of'. These phrases can unintentionally weaken your message or make you seem less confident.

Another way to spot this is by reflecting on whether you frequently hedge your statements or apologise unnecessarily. For example, saying 'I'm not an expert, but...' or 'Sorry, this might not be right...' can reduce the impact of your ideas. Recording yourself during practice or asking for feedback from a trusted colleague can help you identify these patterns and replace them with more assertive, direct communication.

What are some practical ways to use body language for confident and effective communication?

To project confidence through your body language, start by maintaining good posture - stand or sit up straight with your shoulders relaxed and chest open. Keep your feet firmly grounded to convey stability, and if you’re speaking to an audience, move purposefully to engage them.

Use open gestures, such as extending your arms with palms facing upwards, to signal trust and approachability. Avoid crossing your arms or making small, restricted movements, which can appear defensive or uncertain. When appropriate, use props like a table or chair to help anchor your posture and maintain composure.

Lastly, remember to breathe deeply and evenly. This not only helps you stay calm but also supports a steady and authoritative tone of voice, enhancing your overall presence.

How do cultural communication habits influence the impact of my message in UK professional settings?

Cultural communication habits play a crucial role in how your message is received in professional settings in the UK. For instance, using phrases like 'I just think' or 'I’m not sure, but…' can unintentionally make you appear less confident or certain, which might undermine your credibility. Similarly, downplaying achievements or excessively softening your tone can dilute the authority of your message.

To communicate more effectively, focus on speaking clearly and directly, avoiding unnecessary qualifiers or hedging language. Replace self-diminishing habits with assertive and confident phrasing to ensure your ideas are taken seriously and resonate with your audience.

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