Gaslighting at Work: Psychological Tactics and How to Protect Yourself

Gaslighting at work is a deliberate form of manipulation that distorts reality, erodes confidence, and damages mental health. 58% of employees report experiencing it, with certain professions, like nursing, facing even higher rates. Gaslighters use tactics such as denying facts, undermining professional worth, and exploiting personal information to control their targets. This behaviour not only harms individuals but also reduces workplace trust, productivity, and morale.

Key Takeaways:

• What It Is: Gaslighting distorts reality to undermine confidence and control others.
• Common Tactics:
  • Denying events or altering facts.
  • Taking credit for others' work or criticising unfairly.
  • Using personal details to manipulate and isolate.
• Impact: Leads to self-doubt, stress, and lower productivity.
• How to Protect Yourself:
  • Keep detailed records (emails, meeting notes).
  • Set clear boundaries and request written confirmations.
  • Build a support network (colleagues, HR, external professionals).
• Organisational Solutions:
  • Train managers to spot gaslighting.
  • Implement clear, confidential reporting systems.
  • Offer mental health resources and support.

Gaslighting can be stopped with awareness, documentation, and strong workplace policies. Recognise the signs, protect yourself, and advocate for a healthier work environment.

Gaslighting at Work: The Signs and Strategies to Stop It

Common Gaslighting Tactics at Work

Gaslighting in the workplace often involves deliberate psychological strategies aimed at distorting reality and eroding confidence. These tactics are designed to maintain control and manipulate others.

Changing Facts and Events

One hallmark of workplace gaslighting is the manipulation of facts. Gaslighters may deny conversations, alter agreements, or misrepresent events, leaving their targets doubting their memory and judgement.

For example, a manager might deny approving a time-off request, despite email evidence, and respond with phrases like, "You must have misunderstood" or "That’s not what I meant at all".

Attacking Professional Worth

Another common tactic involves undermining an individual’s professional confidence through subtle but persistent actions:

• Publicly questioning their competence
• Taking credit for their achievements
• Making contradictory demands and then criticising how they respond

"By creating confusion, doubt, and uncertainty, gaslighters can manipulate their victims into behaving in ways that are advantageous to them. This tactic is designed to make the victim feel as though they are unable or unworthy of succeeding in their workplace."
– Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho, Licensed Social Worker and Clinical Director

Studies indicate that employees subjected to gaslighting often experience a 13% drop in confidence in their abilities and are 63% more likely to take stress-related sick leave.

Using Personal Information as Power

Gaslighters often exploit personal information as a means of control. By gathering sensitive details about their target’s challenges, aspirations, or relationships, they weaponise this knowledge to manipulate and isolate.

Some key methods include:

• Information Control: Excluding individuals from key meetings or withholding critical project details, only to later criticise them for being uninformed.
• Emotional Exploitation: Leveraging personal struggles to pressure targets into accepting unreasonable workloads or responsibilities.
• Social Isolation: Spreading false narratives to colleagues, which isolates the target and strengthens the gaslighter’s influence.

"The goal is to undermine the reality of that person to control the moment." – Dr. Robin Stern, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence

Recognising these behaviours is the first step in protecting yourself. In the next section, we’ll explore practical strategies to counteract workplace gaslighting.

Self-Protection Methods Against Gaslighting

Dealing with gaslighting in the workplace can be mentally exhausting, but there are ways to protect yourself while preserving your well-being and professional reputation. Here’s how you can take control.

Keep Detailed Records

Accurate documentation is one of your strongest tools against gaslighting. By keeping thorough records, you can create a clear picture of events and establish patterns of behaviour.

Store these records securely, away from your workplace - such as in a personal cloud account. Write in neutral, professional language to ensure your documentation remains credible, especially if you need to share it with HR or legal teams.

Create Strong Work Boundaries

Clear boundaries are essential to minimise manipulation and maintain your independence. Use direct, professional communication to reinforce these limits:

• Request written confirmation for verbal agreements.
• Stay professional, even under pressure.
• Include witnesses during critical conversations.
• Document meeting outcomes as soon as possible.

Being assertive, sticking to facts, and clearly stating your expectations can help you regain control in challenging situations.

Build a Support Network

Having a reliable support system can make a world of difference when dealing with gaslighting. Strengthen your resilience by reaching out to both internal and external allies.

Internal Support:

• Find trustworthy colleagues who can corroborate your experiences.
• Schedule regular check-ins with your manager (if they’re not the source of the gaslighting).
• Stay in contact with HR representatives.
• Keep a record of your efforts to seek support.

External Support:

• Use Employee Assistance Programmes (EAPs) for confidential counselling.
• Reach out to trade union representatives, if applicable.
• Consult employment law experts when necessary.
• Seek guidance from mental health professionals.

"The best way to outsmart a gaslighter is to disengage... It is more worth it to walk away with your perception intact." – Alyssa Mancao, Therapist

These strategies not only protect your mental health but also prepare you for the broader organisational changes discussed in the next section.

Company Policies to Stop Gaslighting

Creating effective policies to prevent and address workplace gaslighting is key to fostering a culture rooted in respect and accountability. Below, we outline steps to establish a strong reporting framework and equip leaders to handle such issues.

Manager Training on Gaslighting Signs

Training programmes for managers should focus on recognising and addressing gaslighting behaviours. These sessions can include practical scenarios and role-playing exercises to help leaders feel prepared to handle difficult situations.

Regular refresher courses ensure managers remain equipped to maintain a psychologically safe workplace.

Clear Steps for Reporting Issues

In addition to training, a clear and accessible reporting process is crucial for addressing gaslighting concerns quickly and effectively. This process should prioritise transparency, confidentiality, and ease of use.

Key Components of a Reporting Framework:

• ✓ Multiple reporting options, both online and in-person
• ✓ Confidentiality protections to encourage openness
• ✓ Defined timelines for addressing reports
• ✓ Safeguards against retaliation for those who report

To strengthen these policies further:

• Comprehensive Reporting Systems
  Offer diverse reporting methods and ensure investigations are objective, with consistent consequences for confirmed gaslighting behaviours.
• Formalised Support Resources
  Provide access to Employee Assistance Programmes (EAPs) and counselling services to support affected employees during investigations and recovery.

These organisational measures go hand-in-hand with personal strategies, ensuring accountability and a safer workplace for all.

"A workplace where people feel heard is less likely to breed gaslighting behaviours." - Dr. Robin Stern

Recovery Steps After Gaslighting

Recovering from workplace gaslighting involves rebuilding your confidence and reclaiming your professional identity. By understanding the steps required, you can chart a path towards healing and regaining control.

Rebuild Self-Trust

Restoring faith in your own judgement is the cornerstone of recovery. Gaslighting often causes people to doubt their reality and decision-making abilities, so focusing on self-trust is essential.

A practical tool for this process is a Proof Journal. Use it to record moments when your instincts or recollections are validated. Pair this with affirmations such as, "I trust my experiences and my judgement," to reinforce your sense of reality. These steps can help you rebuild inner confidence, which is vital for both personal healing and navigating workplace challenges.

Create Your Support Team

A strong support network is another key element of recovery. Surrounding yourself with people who validate your experiences and offer objective guidance can make a significant difference.

Consider including the following in your support team:

• ✓ A trusted colleague who can confirm workplace events
• ✓ A mentor who can provide career advice and perspective
• ✓ A therapist experienced in workplace issues
• ✓ Friends or family members who offer emotional support outside of work

It's important to connect with people who respect your boundaries and consistently acknowledge your experiences. Regularly checking in with this group can help you stay grounded and focused as you work through your recovery.

Plan Your Next Steps

Once you've begun to rebuild self-trust and established a support network, it’s time to think about your career. Reflect on your current role and workplace environment to determine whether it aligns with your recovery and long-term goals.

A Framework for Planning:

• Assess Your Current Role
  Take a close look at your position, the company culture, and whether positive changes are possible. If the environment feels irreparable, exploring new opportunities might be the better option.
• Set Boundaries
  Communicate your limits clearly and assertively. For example, use statements like, "I’m not comfortable with that," to establish and maintain boundaries.

Conclusion: Taking Action Against Gaslighting

Gaslighting in the workplace undermines trust and shakes professional confidence. Tackling it effectively requires a combined effort - your personal resilience paired with organisational support. Together, these strategies help create a safer and more respectful work environment.

Start by documenting significant interactions, including dates, times, and specific details. Keeping an objective record can be a powerful tool to counter manipulation. As Binnu Palta Hill, Assistant Dean of Diversity and Inclusion, explains:

"The really positive part of this whole thing is once you recognize it, you feel almost invincible. You feel empowered, you carry yourself differently".

Building a robust support network is equally important. This could include trusted colleagues within your workplace as well as external professional or personal connections. Such networks help maintain perspective and reinforce your confidence.

Recovery from gaslighting often involves using all available resources. Many organisations now provide mental health first aiders and counselling services, which can be invaluable during tough times. Rebuilding your confidence will also require consistent self-validation and maintaining firm boundaries.

Addressing gaslighting is more than just self-preservation - it’s about fostering a healthier workplace. By tackling these behaviours directly and supporting colleagues who may face similar challenges, you contribute to a more honest and respectful professional culture. Integrating these practices into your daily work life helps lay the groundwork for lasting positive change.

FAQs

How can I tell if I’m being gaslighted at work, and what are the early warning signs?

Recognising gaslighting at work can be tricky, as it often manifests in subtle ways. One common sign is constant, baseless criticism of your performance. This criticism is often exaggerated, designed to make you question your competence. Another red flag is when your ideas or contributions are routinely dismissed or undermined, leaving you feeling sidelined and unappreciated.

You might also notice inconsistent standards from managers - expectations that shift without explanation, making it hard to meet their demands. Being excluded from important communications or decisions is another tactic that can create feelings of isolation. If you find yourself frequently doubting your own judgement or apologising for things unnecessarily, these could be strong indicators that gaslighting is at play.

Identifying these behaviours early allows you to address the situation and seek the support you need.

What should I do if I think a colleague or manager is gaslighting me, and how can I gather evidence to address it?

If you think you’re experiencing gaslighting at work, the first step is to keep a thorough record of the incidents. Jot down the dates, times, what was said or done, and who else was present. Save any relevant emails, messages, or meeting notes - these can act as crucial evidence if you need to raise the issue later.

It’s also helpful to talk things through with a trusted colleague or mentor. They can provide a fresh perspective and offer emotional support. If you feel able, consider addressing the behaviour directly with the person involved. Stick to describing specific actions rather than making accusations, as this approach can sometimes defuse tension or clear up any misunderstandings.

Should the issue continue, take your concerns to HR or a manager you trust. Present your documented evidence to help back up your claims and ensure the matter is taken seriously.

What is the role of HR and workplace policies in addressing gaslighting?

HR and Workplace Policies: Tackling Gaslighting Effectively

Having robust HR and workplace policies is essential for preventing and addressing gaslighting in the workplace. Policies should clearly define what gaslighting entails, along with similar unacceptable behaviours. This ensures everyone understands the boundaries and expectations within the organisation.

Regular training sessions are another key step. These can help employees recognise the signs of gaslighting and feel empowered to report their concerns without fearing backlash. A well-informed workforce is better equipped to address such issues head-on.

Creating an environment of psychological safety is equally important. Employees should feel valued, supported, and confident that their concerns will be handled with care. This can be achieved by implementing a confidential reporting system, taking all reports seriously, and conducting regular reviews of workplace dynamics and policies to identify and address potential problems.

By focusing on these measures, organisations can build a healthier, more supportive workplace where everyone feels respected and safe.

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