Authenticity: How to Be Real Without Oversharing

Learn to share authentically as a leader while maintaining professionalism and setting boundaries to build trust without oversharing.

Want to lead with authenticity without crossing professional boundaries? Here’s how you can strike the perfect balance:

Be genuine, not overly personal. Share relatable experiences that align with your values but avoid unnecessary personal details.
Set boundaries. Only disclose information that benefits your team or supports organisational goals.
Purposeful openness. Share challenges with solutions, not just problems. For example, acknowledge struggles but focus on how you’re addressing them.
Read the room. Tailor your message to the audience and context - what works in a one-on-one may not suit a team meeting.
Use frameworks like the Johari Window. This helps you decide what to share and what to keep private. Combine it with a 4-question intent filter to assess whether sharing adds value.

Key takeaway: Authentic leadership isn’t about revealing everything - it’s about sharing the right things at the right time to build trust and maintain professionalism.

Authentic Leadership For New Leaders

Being a strong leader means knowing when to share and when to hold back. Sharing thoughtfully can build trust, but oversharing risks undermining your credibility and placing an unnecessary emotional load on your team.

Purposeful Openness vs Emotional Oversharing

Purposeful openness is about sharing with intention. It’s when a leader communicates something relevant to the team in a way that fosters trust or addresses challenges. This kind of sharing is measured, professional, and focused. For instance, a leader might say, "I'm having a tough day, but it’s unrelated to work, and I’m staying focused." This approach acknowledges their humanity without distracting the team or creating unnecessary concern.

On the other hand, emotional oversharing is impulsive and often self-serving. It can burden a team with irrelevant details, such as personal health challenges or deeply private matters that don’t tie back to the team’s goals. This kind of sharing often stems from a need for emotional relief rather than a desire to support the team.

The impact of these approaches is backed by research. Leaders who clearly articulate their values are shown to be 50% more effective at maintaining team cohesion. Additionally, teams with well-communicated boundaries report 23% higher engagement rates. These findings highlight how strategic and purposeful sharing can strengthen leadership and team dynamics.

Brené Brown underscores the importance of selective transparency. This means being honest about challenges while also presenting solutions. For example, a leader might share that they’re working on balancing their personal and professional life while explaining the steps they’re taking to improve. This demonstrates vulnerability paired with problem-solving, offering a constructive model for the team. Contrast this with a leader who frequently complains about their personal schedule without providing context or solutions - such behaviour can erode trust and create uncertainty.

The difference between purposeful openness and oversharing lies in setting clear boundaries and keeping the focus on what benefits the team.

The Importance of Purpose

Before sharing personal details, take a moment to ask yourself, "Will this help the team stay focused and perform better?" This simple question can help you decide whether your disclosure serves the team or is driven by personal emotions.

Strong leaders are self-aware and mindful of their emotional state and boundaries. They pay attention to unintended signals, such as changes in tone or body language, and address them promptly. If a leader feels particularly emotional, it’s wise to pause and assess whether sharing in that moment is appropriate or beneficial.

Authentic sharing should always align with the needs of the audience. When leaders understand their team’s priorities and challenges, they can ensure their message resonates. Connecting personal experiences to the team’s context creates clarity and relevance, avoiding confusion or misalignment.

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." - Brené Brown

When leaders do choose to open up, it’s crucial to do so with purpose. Share only what’s relevant, focus on building trust or solving a problem, and resist the urge to offload unrelated worries or doubts. This intentionality reflects the strategic thinking your team expects from you in all aspects of leadership.

Developing this skill takes practice. Regular reflection and feedback are essential. After tough meetings, take time to assess the team’s mood and dynamics to spot any brewing issues early. Trusted colleagues can also provide valuable feedback on any unconscious habits or behaviours. This ongoing process ensures that your sharing remains intentional and constructive, rather than accidental or misplaced.

Establishing clear boundaries is just the beginning - leaders also need practical tools to share thoughtfully and with purpose. Balancing openness and professionalism requires structured methods. Two widely respected frameworks can guide you in deciding what to share and how to do it effectively, ensuring your approach benefits both you and your team.

The Johari Window Model

The Johari Window, created by psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, offers a helpful way to think about what to share and what to keep private. It divides personal awareness into four quadrants, reflecting different levels of knowledge between you and others.

Open Area: This includes information both you and your team know about you - your leadership style, priorities, and visible challenges. Sharing here is typically safe. For instance, discussing your efforts to maintain work-life balance or being upfront about a challenging deadline falls in this quadrant.
Hidden Area: This is what you know about yourself but haven’t shared with others, such as personal struggles, doubts about a strategic decision, or family issues. Sharing selectively from this area can build trust and show vulnerability, but not everything here needs to be disclosed.
Blind Spot: This quadrant contains traits or behaviours others notice, but you don’t. For example, your team might observe that you become more controlling under stress or disengaged during budget talks. Shrinking this area involves seeking feedback and being open to learning about your impact.

"The four quadrants represent the total person in relation to other persons. The basis for division into quadrants is awareness of behavior, feelings, and motivation...Sometimes awareness is shared, sometimes not. An act, a feeling, or a motive is assigned to a particular quadrant based on who knows about it. As awareness changes, the quadrant to which the psychological state is assigned changes." - Joseph Luft

To illustrate, a performance review might reveal a team member’s Open Area as being organised and reliable, their Blind Spot as appearing unapproachable under stress, and a Hidden Area of strong strategic thinking. Selectively sharing insights from their Hidden Area could enhance their leadership potential.

By sharing your learning process when tackling new challenges or explaining your decision-making approach during uncertain times, you can build trust without overwhelming your team with unnecessary personal details. The Johari Window also reminds us that these quadrants are not static - they shift as relationships deepen and situations evolve.

To complement this model, a structured intent filter can further refine your sharing decisions.

4-Question Intent Filter

Before you share personal or professional information, run it through this four-question checklist. It helps ensure your disclosure supports your team’s needs rather than serving personal emotional impulses.

Does this directly impact the team’s work or morale?
If your personal circumstances affect your availability, decision-making, or leadership capacity, sharing some context allows your team to adapt and maintain workflow. However, details unrelated to work performance are best kept private.
Could withholding this lead to rumours or misunderstandings?
Teams are often quick to notice when something is amiss. If your behaviour has changed and might spark concern or speculation, providing appropriate context can prevent misinterpretation and maintain trust. Keep the focus on clarity rather than oversharing.
Does this align with the company’s values and culture?
Consider how your organisation approaches communication. A casual startup might welcome more openness, while a more formal workplace may require stricter boundaries. Your sharing should reinforce the professional tone you want to set.
Is this the right time to share?
Timing is everything. Sharing during a crisis could add unnecessary pressure, while waiting too long might erode trust. Think about your team’s current workload, emotional state, and deadlines. Sometimes, the best choice is to wait until the moment is right.

This filter works because it keeps the focus on what the team needs. Adopt transparency as a default, but make exceptions to protect sensitive information. By thoughtfully navigating these questions, you can distinguish between constructive openness and oversharing.

If you answer "yes" to the first question and feel confident about the others, you’re likely making a sound decision. If the filter suggests holding back, consider processing your thoughts privately - whether with a mentor, coach, or through journaling - before deciding whether to share with your team.

Ultimately, authentic leadership isn’t about baring it all; it’s about sharing the right things at the right time for the right reasons. These frameworks provide the tools to be genuine while maintaining the professional boundaries your role demands.

Building Stories That Inspire Without Overexposing

Crafting stories that resonate with your audience doesn’t mean baring every detail of your life. Leadership storytelling is about selecting moments that serve a purpose - moments that align with your message and meet the needs of your listeners.

Research shows that people connect more deeply with stories of transformation rather than straightforward tales of success. As a leader, sharing experiences that highlight growth, learning, and resilience can leave a lasting impression.

Using the ABT Storytelling Framework

The ABT framework - And, But, Therefore - is a straightforward approach to structuring your stories. Here’s how it works:

"And" sets the stage by providing context. Start with a clear and concise background to help your audience understand the situation. For instance: "We were working on a critical project with a tight deadline."
"But" introduces the challenge or conflict. This is where you can show vulnerability without overexposing personal struggles. For example: "But our usual methods weren’t working, forcing us to rethink our approach."
"Therefore" presents the resolution and the lessons learned. Highlight the actions you took and the positive outcomes. For example: "Therefore, we implemented a new communication strategy, which not only solved the problem but also improved team collaboration."

The ABT framework keeps the focus on progression and learning. It encourages you to share challenges and responses without oversharing personal details. Take Jennifer Thompson’s story as an example. A LinkedIn author, she recounted how a coffee spill during a Zoom pitch turned into an opportunity to build trust with a client. By framing the mishap with context, challenge, and resolution, she turned a potentially embarrassing moment into a story of professionalism and adaptability.

Examples of Leadership Stories That Work

To create impactful stories, focus on narratives that reflect controlled sharing. Great leadership stories are relevant, relatable, and memorable. They centre on professional challenges, sound decisions, and meaningful lessons rather than private struggles.

Origin stories explain your motivation without oversharing. For example, Gary Erickson, the founder of CLIF Bar, often shares the story of a 175-mile bike ride in 1990. Frustrated by the poor quality of energy bars, he decided to create something better. This moment of professional insight became the foundation of his business.
Value stories showcase your principles in action. Bob McDonald, the former CEO of Procter & Gamble, shared a lesson from his time at West Point. When questioned about mud on his uniform after a mishap, he responded, “No excuse, sir.” This simple moment underscored the importance of accountability.
Transformation stories highlight growth and learning. Diane Diaz, for instance, shared how becoming a triathlete taught her the power of “acting as if” to achieve goals. Speaking to an audience of 600 women, she focused on mindset shifts and actionable steps, inspiring others while maintaining professional boundaries.

When choosing stories from your own experiences, keep these tips in mind:

Frame challenges as learning opportunities. Highlight your decision-making process, actions, and outcomes to remain relatable yet professional.
Focus on universal themes. Stories about overcoming obstacles or learning from mistakes resonate widely without requiring too much personal context.
Prioritise your audience’s journey. Leadership stories aren’t just about you - they’re tools to offer insights your audience can apply. For example, Joy Spencer shared a story about Mrs Jackson, a teacher who used unscripted plays to inspire creativity in her students. This narrative illustrated the value of spontaneity and innovation in education.

True vulnerability isn’t about oversharing - it’s about giving your audience a reason to care. By sharing stories that are relatable and focused on turning challenges into lessons, you can inspire your audience while maintaining professionalism. These storytelling choices align with the principles of intentional and thoughtful sharing discussed earlier.

Maintaining Credibility Through Feedback and Reflection

Leadership is a constant balancing act, particularly when your self-perception doesn't always match how others see you. Bridging this gap calls for honest self-reflection and consistent feedback. As we’ve touched on previously, sharing with purpose is key - but it’s equally important to ensure your authenticity aligns with both your values and your team’s expectations. This is where feedback and reflection become essential, reinforcing the balance between openness and intentional communication.

The Feedback Loop Approach

Creating an effective feedback loop starts with asking the right questions and genuinely listening to the answers. Strong leaders actively seek their team’s insights and prioritise building an environment of trust where honest feedback feels safe.

To set the tone, consider asking thoughtful questions like, "What’s one thing I could do to better support you?" or "What could I do - or stop doing - to make working together easier?". These simple yet powerful questions demonstrate a genuine commitment to growth and improvement.

The value of feedback becomes evident when leaders act on it. Take Reed Hastings, CEO of Netflix, as an example. Through an annual 360-degree review process, any employee can provide feedback. In 2019, Hastings was told he often came across as impatient and overwhelming during debates. Instead of brushing it off, he acknowledged the critique in a company-wide memo and committed to making changes. This kind of response shows the importance of listening to understand, rather than reacting defensively. Often, feedback reveals patterns in communication or behaviour that might otherwise go unnoticed.

Building Long-Term Credibility

Credibility isn’t built overnight; it’s the result of consistent self-awareness and alignment between values and actions. Authentic leadership doesn’t mean being perfect - it’s about owning your growth journey and staying true to your principles.

Reflecting regularly on how your actions are perceived is crucial. By examining your communication patterns, you can identify what’s working and address any unintended barriers. Consistency in this practice is what sustains credibility over time.

Consider the case of Amanda, a participant in an Accelerated Leadership Programme. She received tough feedback that she often came across as distant and arrogant. Her reaction? "Why on earth would you wait five months to tell me? I could have been working on improving [my blind spot] all this time!". This highlights the importance of timely feedback - delays can hinder growth and strain relationships.

Closing the feedback loop is just as vital as receiving it. When you act on feedback, let your team know what steps you’ve taken in response. This not only validates their input but also encourages ongoing dialogue. For example, you might adjust how you communicate in meetings or be more mindful when sharing personal experiences. Such changes can create a workplace where people feel genuinely valued. Research from Gallup even shows that managers account for 70% of the variance in team engagement.

Finally, normalising feedback within your team can make it a shared habit. Regularly exchanging feedback fosters collective growth and strengthens credibility over the long haul.

Conclusion: Leading with Authenticity and Integrity

Authentic leadership is about finding the right balance between being genuine and maintaining professionalism. As we've discussed, effective leaders know these qualities can work hand in hand when approached thoughtfully.

Tools like the Johari Window and the 4-Question Intent Filter provide practical ways to share meaningfully without crossing boundaries. At its core, authenticity is about ensuring your words align with your values while respecting the expectations of your organisation and the needs of your team.

Purposeful communication is central to maintaining trust and credibility. When you share personal experiences or vulnerabilities, it should always serve a clear purpose - whether that's fostering trust, demonstrating growth, or motivating your team. This intentionality not only strengthens your credibility but also deepens genuine connections.

The principles we've covered - self-awareness, mindful communication, and aligning actions with words - form the foundation of lasting integrity. When your behaviour consistently reflects your values, you build the trust that sustains successful leadership over time.

To put this into practice, start small. Incorporate one framework into your daily interactions, like using the Intent Filter to assess the purpose of sharing personal insights or setting up regular feedback sessions. These steady, deliberate actions will help you refine the balance between authenticity and professionalism. As we've seen, consistent and thoughtful communication builds trust and strengthens relationships.

Leadership grounded in integrity means your actions consistently reflect your values. Your team will notice this alignment, and it will become the cornerstone of the trust you share. By committing to transparent, intentional communication, you can set clear boundaries, remain approachable, and foster growth - both for yourself and those you lead. This is the essence of trusted, effective leadership.

FAQs

The Johari Window offers a practical way to balance openness and privacy when sharing personal details with your team. Begin by focusing on your Open Area - this is the information you’re comfortable sharing and that your team already knows about you. Sharing openly from this space can help strengthen trust and encourage collaboration.

Next, take a closer look at your Blind Spots by seeking feedback from others. Gaining insight into how your colleagues perceive you can enhance your self-awareness and help you make smarter communication choices. When it comes to your Hidden Area, consider carefully what you prefer to keep private versus what might be worth sharing to build stronger connections. Lastly, explore your Unknown Area by engaging in team-building activities. These can uncover fresh insights about yourself and your teammates, encouraging a culture of openness and mutual growth.

Leaders can cultivate trust by being open and relatable, sharing personal experiences that align with workplace challenges. For instance, recounting how you tackled a tough situation in a past project can motivate your team and create a space where they feel encouraged to share their own perspectives - always within a professional context.

Another powerful method is adopting an open-door policy, inviting team members to voice concerns or share ideas freely. This approach promotes transparency and collaboration, while keeping the focus on work and respecting personal boundaries.

The key to effective openness lies in balance - being sincere and approachable without compromising professionalism or discretion.

To share personal stories effectively as a leader without crossing into oversharing, start by identifying the why behind your story. Think about the key lesson or value you want to convey. Stick to experiences that offer meaningful insights or align with broader themes, steering clear of overly personal or irrelevant details.

Select stories that will connect with your audience and encourage rapport, but always respect professional boundaries. For instance, you might share a moment where you overcame a significant challenge to demonstrate resilience or resourcefulness, without going into deeply private specifics. The aim is to ensure your story supports your role and fits the context, keeping the spotlight on the message rather than yourself.

Striking the right balance between being genuine and maintaining discretion allows you to inspire and engage others while safeguarding both your privacy and professionalism.

Authentic Leadership For New Leaders

Setting Boundaries: Being Real Without Sharing Too Much