If You Don’t Know Who You Are, Your Message Will Always Feel Off

Leadership communication works best when it’s authentic and aligned with your identity. Without self-awareness, your words and actions may feel disconnected, leading to mistrust and disengagement. Here’s how to ensure your leadership style reflects who you truly are:

• Start with self-awareness: Understand your values, strengths, and blind spots. Reflect on past experiences and identify what truly matters to you.
• Align words with actions: Consistency builds trust. Ensure your decisions and communication match your stated principles.
• Use personal stories: Share experiences to make your message relatable and memorable.
• Adapt without losing authenticity: Tailor your communication for different audiences while staying true to your values.
• Avoid common mistakes: Misaligned actions, insincere messaging, or overly formal language can undermine your credibility.

Quick Tip: Build trust by matching your values with your leadership actions. For example, if you value collaboration, actively involve your team in decision-making.

Self-awareness isn’t a one-time effort. It’s an ongoing process that helps you build meaningful connections, inspire your team, and lead with integrity.

Self-Knowledge: The Foundation of Strong Leadership

How Self-Understanding Improves Communication

Self-awareness is a key ingredient for avoiding misaligned messaging. It forms the backbone of effective leadership. When leaders understand their values and strengths, they can make decisions that truly connect with their team. Research by Gallup shows that recognising one’s unique strengths can significantly improve leadership effectiveness.

Libertha Hutapea, AVP of People Partner and Talent Development, puts it perfectly:

"As a leader, before you go on and coach your team members, learn about your strengths, learn about your blind spots, and try to match that to your leadership style."

This self-awareness plays out across three important areas:

Matching Words and Actions to Build Trust

Consistency between words and actions is critical for building trust. Robert Hughes illustrates this idea:

"As a leader, I am collaborative, empowering, open and decisive. I believe in the power of teams and leveraging everyone's expertise and talents. I'm completely comfortable not being the expert in the room. I have strong values and will always do what's right."

Research by Claude Grunitzky further supports this, showing that honest communication strengthens relationships. This kind of authenticity is reflected in the following ways:

Gallup summarises it well:

"Until you're at peace with your authentic way of leading, others won't want to authentically follow you."

Leaders should reflect on past experiences that shaped their values, assess their current approach, and identify areas for growth. Morela Hernandez and Catherine Summers emphasise:

"Core beliefs are the cornerstone of effective leadership, guiding leaders on a path of principled decision-making and purposeful action."

5 Steps to Define Your Leadership Identity

Exercises to Find Your Core Values

Core values are the foundation of effective leadership. Bethany Peters from The Leadership Coaching Lab explains:

"Values are the broad goals and guiding principles that we want to shape our beliefs, decisions, and actions across contexts and circumstances."

Here’s how you can uncover yours:

1. Deep Self-Reflection

Think back to key moments in your life - childhood experiences, tough decisions, or pivotal roles. Identify when your actions aligned with your values or when you felt a disconnect.

2. Values Sorting Exercise

Start with a detailed list of values and follow these steps:

• Choose all the values that resonate with you initially.
• Narrow the list to your top 20.
• Refine further to your top 10.
• Rank these final values in order of importance.

3. Define Values in Practice

As Galen Emanuele points out:

"Values by themselves won't do you a lot of good. In order to make them real and tangible, you have to define what they look like in practice."

Break down each value into practical terms:

These exercises help you clarify what truly matters, preparing you to seek genuine feedback from others.

Getting Honest Input from Others

Ask 2-3 trusted colleagues for candid feedback on:

• Situations where you seem energised.
• Moments where you appear frustrated.
• How they see your core values in action.

Use their insights to refine your leadership approach and integrate their feedback into your daily habits.

Making Self-Knowledge Part of Daily Work

Galen Emanuele highlights:

"Self awareness is a must-have when it comes to being a great leader."

To apply this self-awareness, try the following:

1. Personal Legacy Planning
Think about the experience you create for others, your reputation, and the long-term impact you want to leave behind.

2. Leadership Style Documentation
Build a "Your Leadership Profile" that outlines:

• Your key strengths
• Areas where you can grow
• How you prefer to receive feedback
• Common misconceptions about your leadership style

3. Regular Self-Assessment
Keep a journal to track how your decisions align with your values and identify areas where you could express them more effectively.

These steps ensure your leadership identity becomes a natural part of your everyday work.

Making Your Message Match Who You Are

Writing Messages Based on Your Values

Professor Morela Hernandez from the University of Michigan explains:

"Understanding values is not a passive endeavor. It's an active process that demands introspection, articulation, and ongoing commitment."

To ensure your messages reflect your identity, follow these steps:

1. Framework for Value-Based Messaging

Develop a personal credo to guide your communication. Here's how you can structure it:

2. Message Alignment Check

Before delivering your message, ask yourself:

• Does this message reflect what I stand for?
• Would others recognise this as genuinely coming from me?
• Is it consistent with my past actions and statements?

These steps help ensure your communication truly represents your values, creating a foundation for meaningful leadership storytelling.

Using Personal Stories in Leadership

Tim Tobin, Vice President of Global Learning and Leadership Development at Marriott International, highlights:

"Stories have power. They move people in a way that facts and figures can't."

Incorporate personal stories to showcase your values, show vulnerability, and connect past experiences to current challenges. Stories help make your message relatable and memorable, offering a human touch that statistics alone can't achieve.

When sharing stories, adapt them to suit different audiences while staying true to yourself. This balance ensures your message resonates widely without losing its authenticity.

Speaking to Different Groups While Staying True

Adjust your message to suit each audience, but stay aligned with your core values. Use language and examples that connect with specific groups while maintaining consistency in your principles across all communications. This approach allows you to engage diverse audiences without compromising who you are.

Authentic Leadership Examples: 8 Characteristics of Authentic ...

Common Message Mistakes and How to Fix Them

Once you've built a foundation of self-awareness and aligned communication, the next step is recognising and addressing messaging mistakes.

Why Messages Can Feel Insincere

Leadership messages often come across as insincere when actions don't match words. Here are some common signs of misaligned communication that can damage trust and credibility:

• Mismatch Between Actions and Words: For example, promoting work-life balance while sending emails at 11 p.m. sends conflicting signals.
• Unrelatable Communication Style: Using overly formal or jargon-filled language can create distance between you and your team.

These disconnects undermine your message and need to be addressed.

Steps to Realign Your Message

If your communication feels off, here’s how you can bring it back in line with your values:

1. Assess Yourself Take a hard look at your communication habits. Leadership expert Stedman Graham points out:

   "To lead others, you must first lead yourself."

   Identify areas where your actions might not reflect your values.
2. Be Transparent Transparency builds trust. You can achieve this by:
   • Admitting when you're uncertain
   • Explaining the reasoning behind your decisions
   • Staying consistent across all communication channels
3. Listen Actively Boyd Clarke and Ron Crossland remind us:

   "The biggest problem with leadership communication is the illusion that it has occurred."

   Make active listening a priority by asking thoughtful questions and genuinely considering feedback.

Clear vs. Confused Communication: What Sets Them Apart

Here’s a comparison to help you distinguish between clear and confused messaging:

Regularly compare your approach to these traits. If you find yourself leaning towards confused communication, use the steps above to bring your messaging back in line with your core values.

Conclusion: Building Strong Leadership Communication

Effective leadership starts with understanding yourself. When your identity and values shape your approach, your words and actions naturally align, creating a deeper connection with others.

Bernie Swain, founder of Washington Speakers Bureau, highlights this essential link:

"Successful people are aware of themselves. They have an inner voice and they pay attention to it."

This self-awareness is not a one-time achievement but a process that demands regular reflection and growth.

Three key elements strengthen leadership communication:

• Self-Investment: Focus on developing your strengths to create a solid foundation for impactful communication.
• Vulnerability: Sharing personal experiences, including challenges and failures, makes your message more relatable and memorable.
• Continuous Growth: As Libertha Hutapea, AVP of People Partner and Talent Development, explains:

"As a leader, before you go on and coach your team members, learn about your strengths, learn about your blind spots, and try to match that to your leadership style."

FAQs

How can I develop self-awareness to ensure my leadership style reflects who I truly am?

Developing self-awareness begins with reflecting on your core values, experiences, and aspirations. Take time to think about what truly matters to you, how your past has shaped your perspective, and where you want to go in the future. Journaling or practising mindfulness can help you uncover these insights.

To deepen your understanding, consider seeking feedback from trusted colleagues or mentors. Their perspectives can highlight strengths or blind spots you may not have noticed. Regularly revisiting these reflections and feedback will help you align your leadership style with your authentic self, ensuring your message remains consistent and genuine.

How can I adapt my communication for different audiences while staying true to myself?

Adapting your communication for different audiences without losing authenticity is about staying grounded in your values while being flexible in your approach. Start by understanding your core identity and what truly matters to you - this ensures your message remains consistent and genuine.

At the same time, consider the needs and expectations of your audience. Use language, tone, and examples that resonate with them, but avoid trying to be someone you're not. Being open about your experiences, including challenges or uncertainties, can help build trust and connection. Remember, authenticity doesn’t mean rigidly sticking to one style - it’s about evolving while staying true to your core self.

How can I recognise and address situations where my actions don’t reflect my stated values?

To ensure your actions align with your values, start by identifying your core values through self-reflection or tools like journaling. Once you’ve clarified these, evaluate whether your decisions and behaviours consistently reflect what you stand for. Pay attention to moments where there’s a disconnect, as these can undermine your authenticity.

To address misalignment, take time to reassess your approach and make adjustments. Lead by example, openly communicate your values to your team, and foster a culture that reflects those principles. Regularly reviewing your choices and being open to growth will help ensure your actions and message remain consistent and genuine.

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