Discovering Your Leadership Style Through Story

Your leadership style shapes everything - from how you make decisions to how you connect with your team. Yet, many leaders struggle to define their approach or understand its impact.

By reflecting on past experiences and using storytelling, you can uncover patterns in your leadership, refine your communication, and build trust. This is especially important in today's workplaces, where clear communication is highly valued but often lacking. For instance, poor leadership communication costs UK businesses up to £25,000 per employee annually.

Key takeaways:

• Storytelling reveals leadership patterns: Reflecting on challenges and decisions helps identify your values and natural tendencies.
• Reflection improves leadership: Asking the right questions, like "What did I learn?" or "What could I have done differently?" sharpens self-awareness and decision-making.
• UK workplace norms matter: Clear, direct communication and professionalism are essential when sharing stories.
• Practical tools for reflection: Use structured methods like journals or the SOAR framework to capture insights and find recurring themes.

Your Leadership Story

Reflecting on Past Leadership Experiences

Your experiences, whether victories or challenges, hold valuable insights into your leadership style.

Reflection goes beyond simply revisiting the past - it's about uncovering the reasons behind your behaviours and decisions. Studies suggest that leaders who make reflection a regular practice tend to improve their strategic thinking, heighten their self-awareness, and make more informed decisions. This process shifts you away from what leadership expert Sara Horton-Deutsch calls an "action bias" and towards a more deliberate, collaborative mindset.

"Reflective leadership is a way of approaching the work of being a leader by leading one's life with presence and personal mastery."

• Sara Horton-Deutsch

Key Questions for Reflection

Asking the right questions can spark meaningful insights into your leadership approach. Instead of just recounting what happened, focus on exploring your motivations, values, and reactions to challenges. These questions, inspired by Gibbs' Reflective Cycle, can help guide your reflection:

• What did I learn from this experience?
  Pinpoint lessons from both achievements and setbacks, and consider how they’ve influenced your leadership approach.
• How could this situation have been more positive?
  Reflecting on alternative actions can highlight your problem-solving tendencies.
• What skills do I need to develop?
  Identify areas where growth is needed and consider how you naturally tackle self-improvement.

You might also want to reflect on these aspects:

• Which decisions felt most aligned with my values?
  These moments often reveal your authentic leadership style.
• How did I handle disagreement or conflict?
  Your approach to conflict can shed light on key aspects of your leadership.
• What motivated me to give my best effort?
  Understanding what drives you can help identify the conditions where your leadership thrives.

Recording and Organising Your Reflections

To make your reflections meaningful, it’s important to capture and organise them effectively. Without a structured system, valuable insights can fade into vague memories. Here are some practical strategies:

• Set a regular routine:
  Dedicate 30 minutes each week to review recent leadership experiences and jot down your thoughts.
• Choose a method that works for you:
  Whether it’s a traditional journal, digital notes, or a structured self-assessment tool, pick a format you’ll stick with.
• Use the SOAR framework:
  Break down your reflections into Situation, Observation, Analysis, and Response.
• Group reflections by themes:
  Organising similar experiences together can help uncover patterns that might not be obvious in a chronological record.
• Include emotional context:
  Note how you felt during pivotal moments and why certain decisions felt right or wrong.
• Review regularly:
  Take time each month to revisit your notes, looking for recurring themes and shifts in your leadership style.

Finding Themes and Patterns in Your Stories

Once you’ve gathered your leadership reflections, the next step is to uncover the patterns that define your natural style. This phase is about turning scattered experiences into a clearer picture of who you are as a leader. Your stories hold the clues to your core values, instincts, and how you tackle challenges.

This process requires honesty and patience. It’s not about aspiring to be the leader you think you should be; it’s about understanding the leader you already are. As Brené Brown wisely said:

"We can't live into values we can't name".

Spotting these patterns is a key step in shaping an authentic leadership style. It lays the groundwork for applying these insights in your everyday leadership.

Analysing Leadership Stories

Take a step back and review your reflections with an open mind. Look beyond the surface details to uncover deeper patterns. Focus on recurring themes across different situations, such as:

• Values in action: Reflect on times when your decisions felt right or when you stood firm under pressure. These moments often reveal your core values. Think about when you felt most confident and true to yourself - those are the values at play.
• Decision-making patterns: Do you tend to seek input from others or make swift decisions on your own? How do you handle setbacks? Some leaders lean towards collaboration, while others are more decisive. Recognising your natural approach is key.
• Communication styles: Consider how you navigate conversations. Are you direct and to the point, or do you take a more measured approach with sensitive topics? Your reflections can show whether you prefer collaborative dialogue or a more directive style.

To refine your insights, group similar values together to identify your strongest principles. Start by listing all the values you resonate with, then cluster them around the ones that feel most central to you. For each core value, craft a concise statement that captures its essence.

These recurring themes form the backbone of your leadership story. Once identified, summarise them visually for a clearer understanding.

Creating a Visual Summary

Visual tools can help you compare how you perceive your leadership style with how it actually plays out. A comparison table or timeline can highlight key patterns.

A comparison table works well for this purpose. Create columns for different aspects of your leadership, such as values, communication style, decision-making approach, and responses to challenges. Use rows to list examples from various leadership stories. For instance:

Another option is to map your leadership journey over time. Create a timeline that charts how your leadership style has evolved, noting key experiences that shaped your perspective or reinforced certain values. This can help you see your growth and progression.

You could also try a "values constellation", a visual representation of how your values connect and support one another. Place your strongest core value at the centre, with related values branching out, to show how they work together to guide your leadership.

The aim isn’t to craft a flawless leadership profile but to gain a clear, honest understanding of your natural tendencies. This foundation helps you lead in a way that feels genuine, aligns with your values, and allows you to communicate your approach with confidence.

Values play a huge role in shaping behaviour, engagement, and collaboration. By identifying and visualising your patterns, you create a roadmap for leading in a way that feels real, sustainable, and effective in your unique context.

Using Storytelling in Daily Leadership

Storytelling is a powerful tool for leaders, helping you connect with your team and stakeholders on a deeper level. When you weave stories into your communication, you turn routine interactions into moments that inspire, build trust, and motivate action.

"Stories are just data with a soul".

Sharing Stories with Teams and Stakeholders

Start with a clear structure and purpose. A well-told story has three key parts: the beginning sets the scene and introduces the challenge, the middle explains the actions taken, and the end reveals the outcome and the lesson learned. This structure keeps your narrative focused and impactful.

Make your stories relatable. The best leadership stories resonate because they reflect shared challenges or emotions. Whether you're sharing a tough decision, a setback, or a valuable lesson, focus on universal experiences that your audience can connect with.

Pick the right moment. Timing matters. Use stories during meetings, one-to-one chats, or presentations when they can reinforce values or drive action. A short, relevant anecdote often carries more weight than a detailed explanation of best practices.

Use descriptive language. Paint a picture with your words to help your audience visualise the situation and feel the emotions involved. Keep it professional - be vivid but avoid unnecessary drama.

Repeat key messages over time. Regularly sharing stories that align with your principles helps embed those values into your team's culture. These repeated narratives show how your values translate into real-world actions.

By integrating these storytelling techniques into your daily interactions, you can refine and strengthen your leadership style.

Balancing Openness and Professionalism

Align personal and professional values. Some of the most effective leadership stories highlight where your personal values meet organisational goals. For instance, sharing how your commitment to fairness shaped a difficult decision can illustrate both your personal integrity and your alignment with workplace standards.

Separate personal lessons from corporate messages. When reflecting on challenges, frame your stories as personal learning experiences rather than universal solutions. This distinction ensures your message is seen as relatable rather than prescriptive.

Show empathy. Be mindful of the diverse perspectives within your team. A challenge you found straightforward might be more sensitive for someone else. Focus your stories on growth and learning, steering clear of blame.

Know when to hold back. Not every experience is suitable for sharing. Think carefully about whether your story could harm relationships or stir unnecessary controversy. The goal is to build trust and connection, not division.

Own your mistakes. When recounting challenges or failures, be honest about your role and how you addressed your missteps. This honesty not only builds credibility but also reassures your team that mistakes are opportunities for learning.

By combining these practices with thoughtful reflection, you can create a leadership narrative that feels consistent and genuine.

Adapting to UK Workplace Norms

When using storytelling in UK workplaces, tailoring your approach to the cultural context ensures your message lands effectively.

Be clear and concise. British workplace culture values direct, straightforward communication. Focus on the key details that support your message, avoiding unnecessary digressions.

Respect boundaries. In the UK, personal and professional lives are often kept separate. Share stories that reveal your leadership values without oversharing personal information.

Be culturally aware. Teams in the UK are often diverse, so consider how your stories might be received by individuals from different backgrounds. Adjust your approach to ensure inclusivity.

Steer clear of divisive topics. Avoid stories that could be seen as discriminatory, politically charged, or culturally insensitive. Instead, focus on universal themes like problem-solving, teamwork, or learning from mistakes.

Encourage others to share. As Terrence Gargiuo, Chief Storyteller at MakingStories.net, puts it:

"The shortest distance between two people is a story. One of the chief reasons to tell a story is to elicit them".

Use your stories as a way to invite others to share their experiences, fostering a culture of open and respectful dialogue. By doing so, you create stronger connections and a more engaged team.

Building and Refining Your Leadership Narrative

Crafting a leadership narrative is about understanding what drives you and sharing that in a way that feels genuine. This narrative becomes the foundation of your leadership style, influencing how you make decisions and inspire your team.

Building a Clear Narrative

Start with your core values. Your leadership narrative should be rooted in what truly matters to you. As Bethany Peters from The Leadership Coaching Lab puts it:

"Values are the broad goals and guiding principles that we want to shape our beliefs, decisions, and actions across contexts and circumstances".

Think about the experiences that have shaped these values. Maybe a tough project taught you the importance of transparency, or a challenging decision highlighted your commitment to fairness. These moments form the backbone of your story.

Blend personal experiences with professional principles. The strongest leadership narratives connect your personal journey to your professional approach. Look back at key successes and failures - how have they influenced your decisions and leadership style?

Find alignment with organisational goals. Your narrative should connect your personal values with your organisation’s mission. When this alignment happens naturally, it creates authenticity. If there’s a disconnect, acknowledge it honestly rather than forcing a connection. Crafting your narrative isn’t just about reflection - it’s about shaping your future leadership approach.

Define what success looks like to you. Your narrative should include your personal vision of success and the steps you take to achieve it.

Be open about your growth. Share moments when you’ve learned from mistakes or setbacks. Showing vulnerability builds trust and demonstrates that you view challenges as opportunities to grow.

Consider keeping a leadership journal to capture your evolving thoughts. Over time, this habit can help you spot patterns in your behaviour and refine your narrative.

Finally, transform these insights into a dynamic story through practice and regular feedback.

Practising and Improving Storytelling Skills

Seek feedback from mentors and peers. Regularly ask for input from trusted colleagues, mentors, or team members. Their perspectives can help you fine-tune your narrative and ensure it resonates with others.

Practice in different settings. Your leadership story should be adaptable. Test it out in one-to-one chats, team meetings, and formal presentations. Experiment with different formats and lengths to suit the occasion.

Build a library of stories. Collect a range of short anecdotes from your experiences. These stories should illustrate key values, highlight important lessons, or reinforce leadership behaviours. Each one should have a clear purpose and tie back to a principle you want to convey.

Use feedback to improve. Create opportunities for others to share their thoughts on your communication - whether through informal check-ins, anonymous surveys, or scheduled one-to-one meetings. Use this feedback to identify strengths and address areas for improvement.

Let your narrative evolve. Your story isn’t set in stone. As Harold R. Johnsons says:

"We are the stories we are told and we are the stories we tell ourselves. To change our circumstances, we need to change our story: edit it, modify it, or completely rewrite it".

Revisit your narrative regularly to ensure it reflects your current values, experiences, and goals. What mattered to you five years ago may not hold the same weight today - your story should grow with you.

Set clear development goals. Use the insights you gain from feedback to create actionable goals for improving your storytelling and communication. Track your progress and acknowledge your achievements along the way.

Conclusion: Using Story to Develop Leadership

Your leadership story isn’t just a reflection of who you are - it’s a powerful tool that shapes who you’re becoming. The experiences you’ve analysed, the lessons you’ve drawn, and the narrative you’ve built all contribute to your growth and help you connect with your team on a deeper level.

Take just 15 minutes a day to reflect on your leadership experiences. Research highlights that individuals who dedicate this small amount of time to intentional reflection see improved performance compared to those who don’t. By weaving reflection into your daily routine, you’re not only enhancing your personal development but also setting yourself apart as a leader who learns and grows continuously.

Stories have a unique way of bridging gaps between personal experience and collective understanding. Neuroscientist Paula Croxton notes that storytelling has the ability to pull listeners into the speaker’s world. Sharing how challenges have shaped your values or how failures have built your resilience fosters an environment where vulnerability is welcomed, and growth becomes a shared journey.

Your narrative doesn’t just serve you - it has the power to inspire your team. Encourage your colleagues to share their own stories, and keep yours evolving. Ask thoughtful questions that spark self-reflection and show genuine curiosity about the experiences that have shaped those around you. Practising empathy and helping others reframe their challenges through storytelling creates a culture of connection and shared purpose, where teams thrive and achieve more together.

The process of discovering and refining your leadership style through storytelling is never finished. Each new challenge adds a chapter, every reflection deepens your insights, and every story shared strengthens relationships. Your evolving narrative isn’t just a record of your journey - it’s a guiding compass, a source of inspiration for your team, and a foundation for the leader you’re continually becoming.

FAQs

How can storytelling help me uncover my leadership style and values?

Storytelling offers a meaningful way to better understand and articulate your leadership style. By revisiting pivotal moments in your life, you can identify recurring themes, core values, and behaviours that influence the way you lead. These personal narratives reveal what’s most important to you, whether it’s your approach to decision-making or the way you build relationships.

Sharing these stories doesn’t just clarify your own leadership identity - it also strengthens trust and connection with your team. Reflecting on and communicating these experiences allows your leadership style to come across as more transparent and relatable, enhancing your ability to motivate and guide those around you.

How can I use storytelling to enhance my leadership style every day?

To weave storytelling into your leadership approach, start by thinking about personal moments that highlight your values, challenges, or achievements. These stories can help you form a stronger connection with your team and motivate them.

When shaping your narratives, consider the 5 Cs framework:

• Character: Who are the key people involved?
• Context: What is the setting or background?
• Conflict: What challenge or obstacle arose?
• Climax: What was the pivotal moment?
• Closure: How was the situation resolved?

This structure ensures your stories are both engaging and easy to remember.

You can share these stories during team meetings, individual chats, or even in written updates. By doing so, you’ll not only strengthen your message but also build trust and create a more engaged and motivated team.

How can I tailor my storytelling to fit workplace norms and cultural expectations in the UK?

To connect your storytelling with workplace norms in the UK, aim for an approach that feels genuine, emotionally engaging, and easy to relate to. In British culture, subtlety, shared experiences, and a sense of inclusivity are highly valued. This means your stories should focus on themes like teamwork, community, and mutual respect.

When crafting these narratives, let them naturally reflect your organisation's values rather than presenting them in an overly direct or forceful way. Avoid exaggeration or anything that might come across as confrontational, as these can feel out of step. Instead, lean on examples that highlight shared objectives and create a sense of togetherness - this approach is more likely to resonate with UK audiences.

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